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Our crowdfunding campaign for @holyfans_film is still going strong on @seedandspark! 💕 Thanks to all of you who’ve posted, donated, shared the love, and sent encouragement our way! 🥹 We still have a ways to go, and momentum is everything, so if you haven’t donated yet, please consider clicking the link and contributing to our heartfelt indie #filmmaking efforts today! 🎥 🎞️ 🙏 #indie #shortfilm #stayinLA #holyfansfilm #malelonelinessepidemic

(it all comes back to me) finally finished this piece- ily @mothercain

I wrote this a couple years ago when I was feeling extremely disassociated- less like a human being and more like an abandoned church. Anyway, I’ve been meaning to make it into song and I’m sure I will eventually, but I felt like sharing it today. Will it stay up? Maybe.

Farewell to La Cage. No idea how to summarize this experience, only to say that I’m so grateful that my first foray into professional theatre was so full of love, joy, and acceptance. Every day was fun, every person was kind. What a gift! Thank you so so much @pamstinkleton @ani.taj and @ryantymensky for bringing me into your beautiful, bright, wacky world. (I love theatre!! I want to do more! Hello world, I want to do more theatre!!!) To my beloved castmates: oh wow, I miss you already! The warmth and generosity y’all showed me meant the world. I loved watching you perform every night, I loved hearing your laughter and singing in the green room. I loved being surrounded by so many beautiful queer people and feeling more at home than I have in a long time. It was such a privilege to spend time with you all. I love you all and I love one of you the most. Life’s not worth a damn til you can say “Hey world, I am what I am.” And I’m freer to do that now than ever before. Grateful.

????????ℴ???????????? ????????ℯ ????ℯ????????. ???????????????? ????????????????, ℐ ????????ℴ????.There are things that tie them to a place, very much like they do to us. Some remain tethered to a patch of land, a time and date, the spilling of blood, a terrible crime... There are others, others that hold onto an emotion, a drive, loss, revenge, or love. Those, they never go away. ????

I am THRILLED to finally announce that I will be joining this incredible cast in LA CAGE AUX FOLLES at The Pasadena Playhouse! Before I started acting on camera, I fell in love with theatre and especially musical theatre. It’s genuinely an honor to get to perform alongside such talented actors and I hope you will come out and see us because it’s gonna be a gay old time!!! ????????????

owls (especially the majestic, noble, sacred, omniscient barn owl) have been a core part of my personality for most of my life and this was a dream come TRUE

???? Bog Man is officially out and available to stream!????This song was literally inspired by a meme sent to me by a friend and it has evolved into something I’m really proud of. I hope you enjoy.???? This song could not exist without the help of some incredibly talented friends and musicians: Co-Producers: Jack Mullin (@youdontknowjack__ ) and Hugh Macdonald (@fairhazel_) Mixing: Jack Mullin Strings: Godfrey Furchtgott (@godfreyyy) Mastered by: Edsel Holden (@edselholden) lyrics and vocals by me :)

with the help of some amazing friends, I am thrilled to announce that my new song Bog Man will be available on 7/26 ????????

this is literally me

Part Four: Acceptance How do we heal? After we escape the siren song of self-loathing and dare to choose ourselves, how do we “handle the seasons of our lives?” A friend and I were talking recently about the unknowable, mysterious flow of life and how our attempts to bend it to our will only bring more pain and heartache. When I was young, acceptance was seen as defeat or laziness or an excuse to be easy on myself. We were always to be striving to be like Christ, even with the knowledge that we would never reach that goal in this lifetime. After leaving the church, I struggled with how to make peace with myself and others. How can I love myself as I am while also being committed to growth? If I don’t have to be god-like, if I don’t have to shame myself for my humanity, what are my standards of goodness? That’s when I came across the concept of radical acceptance. It’s a tool that is often used in therapy for survivors of trauma/PTSD. The gist of it is that denial or resistance of what hurts or scares us only prolongs suffering. We must accept that the past is unchangeable but we as human beings are not beyond saving. The only way to move forward is to engage with the present, to believe our histories do not define us. We look the scary truths in the eye and say “I see you. I know you are here. I can no longer leave you to fester and I will bring you into the light instead. You do not have to define me.”It has changed the way I talk to myself. It has changed the way I view others. Instead of being seduced by binary thinking, categorizing people into good or evil, participating in wholesale condemnation, I am better able to see myself, others and life itself in its fullness. It is difficult to live in that nuance. It will mean recognizing the weakness present in all humans, no matter how evolved or progressive or compassionate we are. It also means giving grace when grace is difficult to give. I’m sure it is work I will be doing for the rest of my life and I know it will be worth it.

Part Three: RevolutionWhen I was young, I used to pray for God to take away my identity, my mind, my ego, so I could be filled with something better. I was a good kid, pathologically sensitive to the feelings of others and my own wrongdoing, but I felt the cold breath of condemnation on my neck. I obsessively reasoned with myself. I knew that God could forgive any sin but only if I recognized it as such and repented of it. But then, there was the matter of my being queer. My church & the theology passed down through my parents taught me that though God could forgive me being gay, I could never accept or act upon that feeling without betraying Christ. And while other temptations were fleeting, the undeniable fact of my attraction could not be forsaken. I tried. I saw how other queer people I loved were treated and talked about. They were instantly othered. “Love the sinner, hate the sin.” Being told that wanting to love and be loved is worthy of hell doesn’t feel like love.I obsessively looked for answers. I read works by Christians who chose celibacy rather than accept or embrace their homosexuality. I found other, more radical Christians, who argued that scripture never condemned homosexuality at all. I didn’t want to lose my faith, my entire worldview. I tried desperately to reconcile the wonderful, happy, good queer people I met with what I was taught they deserved. But it wasn’t just the issue of being gay. Everything had been called into question for me. Did anyone deserve eternal torment? Did this justice make sense? Could I live by a faith that tore me apart?In the end, I couldn’t. I made the radical, terrifying, heretical, dangerous decision to try to love myself and others without condition- to trust that my heart wasn’t wicked and beyond cure. I resolved to keep the precious things I’d learned in my heart and release the rest. It didn’t happen all at once. My ideology changed fairly quickly but the twisted roots of self-loathing and fear are deeply engrained. I’m still digging them up. Still, to choose my own well-being and joy was freedom and power I’d never felt before. I didn’t have to face my demons on my knees, I could fight them myself.